Modeling Unity in Marriage

The first institution God created was marriage and sadly it is the most broken of all relationships today. Marriage takes work, add kids into the mix AND all of the responsibilities that come with it... and it can become difficult to prioritize our spouse.

Strong families begin at the core, with the husband wife relationship.  How do you relate to each other? What example of marriage are you giving your children? Children need stability and one of the best gift we can give them is stability in our marriage.

Our children need to see us loving our spouses, prioritizing them, and respecting them.  We need to model to our kids what we expect from them SO that they in turn will love their family, respect them and prioritize them.

For the sake of their relationship with their family now and their future spouse and kids.

Let's be real though, our spouses sometimes get our leftovers.  My husband and I are currently working on this because we have been guilty of putting other priorities first.  Kids, activities, housework, church, etc, etc, etc... leaves us no time for each other. Lately, we try to get away for an hour or so alone, for a cup of coffee (trying to make it weekly :)).  Its our time to reconnect and make it all about each other.  We call it our "day dates" and it makes a huge difference!  It all goes back to communication, doesn't it?

Unity in our marriage also shows the children that we (their parents) are on the same page.  Kids can smell an opportunity to manipulate and put parents at odds with each other in order to get their way.

In our home we have rules about this.  I will never go against my husbands decision or vice versa in front of the kids.  If we happen to disagree then we will discuss it...alone....not in front of the kids!

There have been many times that one of us has made a decision that has later on been changed, because after discussing it, one of us has seen a different perspective.  That's ok,  it shows the kids a healthy process of making decisions together.

Then there's also "the look." Do you have one?  Its that look you give each other when you don't agree but don't want to say it out loud.  In our house, my husband and I have full conversations with the look!  It works for us!

But life isn't always black and white.  Sometimes there are gray areas and somewhere along the line one of us needs to compromise. Learn to agree to disagree and respect each others decision. 

Mark 3:25 says,
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

We refer back to God to help us make the decisions that are right for our family. One area we don't compromise,  our family values.  Its not about "me verses you"  but what's best for the greater good of our family.

How do you model unity in your marriage?

15 Years of Marriage

Last week, my hubby and I celebrated 15 years of marriage.
WOW! I can't believe how fast time goes by, and how much we have been through! Two out of state moves, one big career change, five babies, and so much more.  Looking back on our time together, I can definitely call it adventurous!

Adventurous but not perfect.

There have been the good times and the bad. The "for better" or "for worse" moments.


The good times, where we've experienced the riches of marriage in the way God intended it to be. The bad times that have drawn us closer to God as we have worked out the wrinkles of our relationship.


So I'd like to share with you today a few things that I've learned and have helped me throughout the years of being married.  


Be your husbands biggest fan: Are you proud of your husband? Does he know that he can count on you to stand by his side?  When he looks down the sidelines, does he see you cheering him on? This takes many forms: Encouraging him, listening to what's on his mind, and reminding him that your standing besides him through thick and thin. 


Even during the times where I have not exactly been on board with decisions that my husband has chosen to make, I have tried to make sure that he's known that I believed in him anyway, regardless of the circumstances or outcome. He'll usually tell me that I'm a biased opinion because I love him.  SO remember, you're on the same team...cheer him on!


Do him good and not harm: Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  Speaking bad about our husbands to others doesn't just harm our husbands, it can ruin marriages.  We should act and speak about our significant others remembering that our words have the power to bless or curse the one that God has made us one with. Are you always complaining and telling others about your husbands mishaps?  Putting him down in front of others, or talking back, are ways that we can be disrespectful towards our husbands. 


Mark 3:25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 
I always find it uncomfortable when a conversation turns to someone who is trashing their husband? What does one say? 


As a woman, I understand the need to speak out our feelings, but are we speaking it in its proper setting? Sitting with a trusted friend who will bring encouragement or help pray for the situation is different than just kicking up the dust for the sake of making the other person look bad and not desiring a solution.  


Love him unconditionally: As humans we will fail, so when our husbands mess up, so do we, if we point fingers and blame. Of course, this is the time when our husbands need us the most to just love them and forgive them. 
Romans 5:8  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  
Marriage is one of the areas where we can demonstrate and live out this scripture daily following Jesus example. He gave it all for us when we were still enemies of God.  


I used to be really good at holding grudges.  I'd forgive but it would all resurface when the tension was high.  Through much prayer, God has freed me of that and now I can say that when I forgive, I let it go.  Not only has that made my relationship better but it has also set me free from living in bondage to bitter feelings.  


Pray for him:  It can really be this simple.  The most effective changes happen when we give our problems to the Lord and let Him work it out according to His good and perfect will.  Ladies, we are very shrewd.  We know how to manipulate situations and be three steps ahead of our husbands. But it doesn't always work, does it? Besides, its hard work to have to play out every scenario in our head and have a playbook for every situation we encounter! We like to think we're in control, but the bottom line is, we're not.   


I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was really good at this game, yet it never yielded the results in quite the way I wanted it too. It was when I discovered that God cares about every detail in our life and he understands us, that I began praying about these situations instead of taking matters into my own hands.  What I discovered was wonderful!  When it comes from God, it is He who convicts the heart and brings on change.  A change that is true and lasting.  Its not up to us, its up to God, so bring it too him and let Him work it out! It may not go our way but at the very least we can be confident in knowing that the Lord is directing in the way He feels is best.  


Ecclesiastes: 11:5
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.


Marriage is an invaluable gift, when we treat it as such. Cherish it, protect it, and nurture it.  May your marriage be blessed with love, full of understanding, and centered in Christ.


Linking up to:
time warp wife



  

Standing Besides "Men of Courage"

Have you gone to see the movie Courageous yet?

If you haven't I want to encourage you to go see it!!!!

It was a great movie and one particular part really struck me.

It's when Adam is speaking to the church and he calls the men out.  He begins by saying, "so where are you, men of courage?...

This led me to ask,

 "where are these men of courage?"

Yes, these men that lack the courage are a product of a fallen society, a fatherless nation, that has continued on a spiral decline of morality, as well as irresponsibility, towards fulfilling their God-given role. 

 But can we, women, sit here and cast all the blame in one direction?

Or can we, sometimes, be part of the problem?

Now, you have to admit, there is that Eve streak we all possess.

You know what I'm talking about...

we want it our way,  

we manipulate circumstances, 

we just know think we know better.

There's a reason why the submission verse in the bible addresses us specifically, ladies.

Now, I wish I could say that I am the perfect submissive wife...
but I'm not.

 I constantly need to remind myself to follow my husbands leading;

there are times when I doubt His direction.  

What if He's wrong?

What if this is not from God?

What if He didn't pray enough about it?

Well, those are legitimate concerns, 

but I've learned to focus on doing what God calls me to do 

while leaving my husband and his decisions in God's hands. 

I've seen way too often, 

women rob their husbands out of their duty to lead 

because they didn't like the direction they were being led in.

 I've seen men shrink back and take a back seat, 

missing out on the blessings that were probably before them,

 had they chosen to step out in courage and lead.  

God knows our concerns and He has them in mind, so we can be reassured that His plan will prevail over our marriages, parenting, finances, career etc... without us taking control.

As God-fearing women we need to encourage our men 

to live up to their potential 

so that when God calls out these "men of courage," 

we can proudly be

 standing besides them.


Are you standing besides your "man of courage?"


Linking to:

Encouraging Words Wednesday